Thursday, May 29, 2008

#3 Feelings, What Feelings?

The feelings inside me stopped having names attached to them because my mother didn't want to hear about them. She found my fears, my anger, and my sadness absolutely infuriating, so my feelings stopped being "feelings."
Only the gut-wrenching, heart-pounding, head-exploding sensations remained. Eventually, I felt less "crazy" if I attached these to whatever was happening around me - the people, the places, the events of my life! So now "it" is all happening "out there." Whatever "it" is...
I think that I am starting to realize that all this stuff is not coming from outside me. It is actually coming from inside me. It's the feelings that my mother said I must never have - or else!

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