#84 Not Fair!

My life was mislaid,
and my feelings were put on hold.
As my world got smaller and smaller,
my existence became irrelevant.

Decades went past,
scarcely noticed, barely remembered.

I met someone who could help me.
But my ability to trust
had been one
of the first things stolen.
Two steps forward, three steps back.

Panic. Pain. Terrifying black holes,
repair work needed.
Three steps forward, two steps back.

Rage. Pain. Hard work.
Connections made.
The little one begins to trust again.
She adds her voice to mine.
Three steps forward, one step back.

Now we are getting somewhere.
Much is learned. Much is understood.
I feel my life is expanding.

The missing ingredient now?
Time. “Time heals all wounds” my mother said.
But the White Rabbit said,
"Oh Dear! Oh Dear!
It is very, very late!"

It is indeed very, very late!
And I am so scared
that I have used up all of my allotted time.
I have just gotten into the game
and the clock is about to run out!

Not Fair! goddamn it, it’s just not fair.