Monday, March 23, 2009

#104 Here We Go Again!

I know it is typical for us Borderlines to feel rage when our therapist announces she is taking some time off. I am feeling it more this time than usual I guess because I am FEELING it instead of suppressing it.
But I am also feeling the HURT.
Why trust someone??? She says that I am special but she still leaves me!!!
I was special to some people once-upon-a-time...

My Dad got sick when I was 3 and he left me;
my mother got scared and she left me too;
my big sister got married and she left as well;
my big brother went soldeiring and he died.

I wasn't "special" to anyone anymore.and I forgot how to trust!
But I didn't forget how to HURT!

I am oh so angry.
I want the inside pain to hurt on the outside.
The little me could handle outside pain but not the pain of being left again!!!

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