#110 Hurtling off a Cliff

Once more
I find myself hurtling off a cliff.
Even though
it is familiar territory
it is terrifying.
Even though
I know I am projecting myself
into a future rife with catastrophes
that may never even happen.
I cannot help myself.
I am already there
I know for certain
that I will not survive.

but
I am here also,
in the present,
and nothing bad has happened...
yet
I want to believe that
something will intervene
but I cannot.
I hope that
someone will be there to help me
but I do not.
I try to remember that
I have been here before
and lived,
but it is no use.

I know
exactly how it will play out
and
I am scared one minute
and angry the next.
It isn't fair.
I cannot go through this again.

But
once again,
the panic swallows me up
and hurtles me off the cliff...

There is
no landing in sight.