'diss-O-ssociate' means to become separate from, detached or disconnected. In this case, I am talking about a 'going away from myself''. Trying to describe it is like trying to describe a vacuum...emptiness.
At the point where my emotions have taken over my existence, I must leave. My safe place is dissociation. I drift away until I am out of sight and sound of my own anxiety and anger. Out there in space, I find peace, for hours or days on end.
The problem begins when some part of me wants or needs to come back but I cannot make it happen.
"I must get back, people are getting mad at my absence; think, how did I get here; surely I can get back the same way, if only I could remember how I got here." I blink my eyes to get them focused; I concentrate on understanding what people are saying.
It isn't working! I'm scared."
I leave myself again!
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