#118 Man of the House

“Be strong...
look after your Mother and Sister.”
i nod agreeably.
This Doctor,
who has come to the house
to declare my Father dead,
hands me a pill...
and appoints me,
the youngest,
head of this fragmented Family.

i take the job
because
the shining centre,
my older brother,
has been murdered by a drunk driver
just six months ago.

The Sun was gone
and now my Dad is gone too.

Through those dark winter months
i watched cancer
dig this second hole
in our wretched, despairing, despondent Family.

“Off to church we go,
God will help you cope
when I am gone.”
But He didn’t Dad,
because i didn’t know how to ask.

So,
here am i...the
ill-equipped replacement.
“Bring home the bacon,
dress the part,
take care of everyone!”
Where are my blue tights and cape?

Reeling from this double disaster,
i keep trying to conquer my fear,
to outrun sickness and accident
that can come in the night
and take another one of us.

Trying to keep everyone safe
didn’t leave time
for growing up.
i became the Man of the House
when i was just a scared little girl.