#119 Why Is It So Hard?

All I did was try to attend a flu clinic and now I am overwhelmed with anxiety.
I went to the office at 2:15pm but there were too many people! I read my book and went back at 3:30...too many people! I sat downstairs for twenty minutes and tried one more time. I didn't look at the adults and children waiting in the hall and got as far as putting my hand on the door. The reception room was full with kids all over the floor. Now the panic came in waves. I couldn't breathe. My heart was pounding so hard I thought they could hear it inside. I ran.
I cried all the way home. I hate this. It is so ridiculous. This is one of those days when I cannot stand to be seen. I cannot walk through a group of people with nothing to do but stare at me. Kids are the worst. I become upset around them, I think, because they are so unpredictable.

How I would love to hurt myself right now; just to calm myself down and help me forget. Why is everything so hard?