Wednesday, June 29, 2011

#136 A New Way?

    It has always been difficult for me to recognize and describe my feelings.  Now I am getting better at it.
   I have spent much of my life on automatic pilot, operating by remote control from somewhere up on the ceiling.  Now I am doing less of this.
   This mode-of-being has served me well as a survival mechanism. Now I am visiting my body more.
   Up until now, the main point of contact for me and my body, has revolved around physical pain; accidental, pathological or self-inflicted pain.
   If I am returning to my consciousness, I must be returning to my body; and if I am returning to my body, am I returning to consciousness???
   Unfortunately,  I am re-experiencing the pain and panic of my past.
   As a child, my natural defense was to stiffen against the pain inflicted on my body by others. Now I don't know how to defend against the pain I am re-discovering.
  

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