#69 torture

I know very well that I should not be writing here right now. Hopefully common sense will prevail before I click "post."

But I am so discouraged ("furious") right now. My "little self" has been showing up in therapy for 5 times now. Over the years she has only appeared to another person, under extreme conditions. Extreme fear and/or extreme rage.
But she has been appearing to my therapist for these last few weeks. She has been gaining confidence and losing her fear. She has been sharing her feelings and even some of her memories. She has only done this because of the level of trust we were able to provide for her.

Today that went bust. Therapists have private lives. They need to go off and do other stuff! Maybe lots of it. Maybe for ever!

I lay alone in the dark for a thousand years and no one came.
Who told you to give me hope that it will all be over one day?
Why did you make me think there would be no more burns or blood?
What right do you have to use "a little hope" to prolong the torture!

We are all truly truly alone here.