Sunday, September 14, 2008

#63 Flashback!

I used to be convinced that my bpd flare-ups came on as a result of stress. Not so this year.
For months, my anxiety level has been climbing, but my life is more-or-less crisis-free.
So why the anxiousness? And the meltdowns? And the firestorms?
And now, a major flashback!!!

I think I remember a few months ago, feeling good enough about myself to tell myself that I wasn't afraid anymore; that I have nothing to lose if I face up to my demons; that it is OK to remember.
I don't even know what I meant by that.

But, it apparently opened a door somewhere.
Now my body has remembered something truly horrific.

It is early days so I don't know what this is going to do to me.
But I'm still alive.
Uninjured.
Weirdly calm actually.

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