#41 What is IT?

I’ve been fighting anxiety for weeks now.
I have had a couple of meltdowns, but no firestorms.
When the anxiousness materializes in my body, I tell myself that it is only a feeling and nothing bad is happening. Breathe!
It returns and escalates, so whatever I am doing isn’t working.

I feel cut off from the world.
As the isolation grows, I find I cannot think of anything else but injuring myself.
I know hurting myself will chase away the panic ( and the ghosts and the flashbacks) and I won’t feel so alone for a while.

Whatever this thing is, that can be sent packing by some pain and blood, is just out of my reach.

What could it be that a burn or a cut can force it back into its hiding place?
I think it originated with a fear rising in my body and a sense of being abandoned
…stretching on for ever.
It cannot be stopped.