I used to think that I am good at being invisible when it suits me, but that I can be visible when I feel safe enough.
WRONG!
I am never visible.
I have just discovered the term, "acting in" borderline (as opposed to "acting out" Borderline). I have used almost all my energy, since I was about 12 years old, to keep it all inside.
In other words, to hide. The shame of my over the top reactions, my out of control feelings, and my bizarre acts of self-injury has made me run all the way home and slam the door behind me, before I let it happen. Dissociation was the safety valve if I could not get home fast enough.
So thanks to this program, no one knows me. Family, friends, co-workers, even health professionals were not allowed to see the real me.
I wear a paper bag over my head with a smiley face painted on it.
I am invisible!
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